I am a recovering good girl. Good girls- girls scared to voice out their opinions. The girl who chooses to be blind to everything and face her front. The ratio of the thoughts that run through my mind is many times over what comes out of my mouth. Not to say that every thought you have should be heard by the next person, some thoughts are set to only be your mind pollutant and not reach another human being. Others, you need to create a billboard for everyone to know what you have been thinking. Scrap out the racist or marginalising billboard thoughts- the world doesn’t need them. The issue is with silently killing the positive ‘billboard thoughts’.
The ugliness of being a good girl is more pronounced when there is a situation that demands you to act. That needs you to stand up and correct it. But you choose to be blind to it all. Not one word said. Not one action taken.
Good girls live half-lives. Lives full of hidden passions. Passive habitats of the earth. If there is something they care deeply about, they aren’t vocal about it. They give away what could be the best moments of their lives and are satisfied with owning remnants of their lives. When they finally get to the point where they can’t hide the fire burning within them, their authenticity starts to be questioned. “You didn’t like this-that 2-3-4-5 years ago. Are you following the trend where everyone is this and that? Is this a phase?”
Passing years are teaching me that being the good girl won’t get me what I demand from my life. Fruits from my interactions with others, from my academic life, from my fashion efforts, won’t be as sweet as I imagine them if I keep the good girl attitude. As a recovering good girl, I am learning that people can’t read my mind. That the good girl attitude of avoiding confrontation is a disservice to myself and those that could benefit if I didn’t overly filter my words.
I am not learning to throw away my core principles or beliefs. This is about having a high dose of assertiveness and a pinch of aggressiveness when working towards my dreams.
I know that:
in 5 years the audacious 6-year-old girl will be a crippled girl undergoing the Loss of Voice phenomenon. At 11 most girls “stop stating their true and honest feelings and emotions. They give up this authentic voice in favour of an acceptable one that is proper, pleasing, quiet and nice; a voice that lacks strong opinions or true thoughts and feelings. When girls give up their voices –when they patrol their own feelings and responses so people will like or approve of them—girls remove their true selves from their relationships…as they please others they adopt a submissive or false female role that has been perpetuated by popular culture. By conforming to stereotyped acceptable female behaviours, girls are often limited in their choices and opportunities.” (Source )
I am learning how to:
reclaim the voice I have lost
teach the young girl tribe around me to hold on to their authentic voices.
My request is that you make Emeli Sande’s Read All About It your daily recital.